Fiction is my salvation, both in reading and in my writing, because often everyday life is so tragic or so infuriating that I need an escape. So it is with renewed enthusiasm and determination that I am finally turning back to my work in progress: my crossover novel between my Sam Westin wilderness mysteries and my Neema the gorilla mysteries.

Somehow, during the long COVID isolation, my creative brain withered. I have only been able to write in fits and starts for several years now. And after the restrictions were lifted, I’ve been traveling quite a lot—Vietnam, Central America, Tanzania, and multiple shorter trips within the U.S. But life is supposed to be back to normal now, right?

However, having been derailed by family struggles and tragedies and having personally detoured (and procrastinated) for so long, I now must remember how to write. You’d think, as this will be my 15^th full-length novel, that the process would be natural. But no. I have never been capable of writing an outline in advance for a novel. My brain just doesn’t work that way.

When I finally sit down at my computer and stare at that blank page on the screen, I feel like I’ve never done this before.

I need to remember how all my characters think, and since this book will contain two casts of characters, this is a bit of a challenge. But I will draw on my life experience. And on the internet, of course. First, I tackle Sam Westin, since Sam and Pam are a lot alike in their love of nature and their outdoor activities. Last October, I hiked part of the trail along Ross Lake in the North Cascades National Park complex that I am planning to use in this book. I have kayaked to other portions, so I can envision myself as Sam setting off on that trail and camping at the campgrounds. Like Sam, I would love to see wolves in the wild, so I can identify with Sam’s goal and imagine reasonably well what that would be like.

Finding not one, but two dead men in the wilderness? That’s a little harder, but hey, I’m a mystery writer. I can imagine it. I often imagine finding bodies in the wilderness when I’m out kayaking or snowshoeing or hiking. (Doesn’t everyone?)

Getting stuck with an injured foreigner who desperately needs help? I used to be the designated first aid responder at a geological research facility, so I’ve dealt with blood and injuries before. I’ve studied wilderness first aid and done stress and rescue training as a scuba diver. In college, I worked as a dormitory counselor in an English language school, where I had to interact with students from around the world. So, I think I can handle those scenes.

Being shot by an unseen stranger for no reason I can think of and needing to run for my life? Nope, I’ve never been there, thank God. But I can imagine the pain and confusion and fear. And I’ve walked through wild areas at night as Sam will need to do, so I’ve got that, too. But there’s a horse, and the injured guy. I’ve dealt with horses before. Yes, I can handle the Sam Westin part of the story.

But then, I turn to the Neema portion. Neema is a gorilla that knows sign language, she has a mate, Gumu, and a baby, Kanoni. So, I write the beginning scene for the Neema portion of this book, in which both baby Kanoni and a foreign woman are shot (Kanoni, on purpose; the woman, accidentally). Yes, it’s horrible, but mystery writers have to do terrible things now and then, or readers won’t believe that they could happen in a book by that author. (Don’t worry too much, I can’t stand to kill animals, so the little gorilla will survive.)

Only the gorillas witnessed the terrifying crime and the perpetrator. So, after the dramatic original scene, I try to put myself in Neema’s place. She’s a mother, she’s confused and grieving after the vet takes Kanoni away. But she’s a gorilla; she doesn’t understand what happened or what to expect. I am neither a mother, nor a gorilla.

Blake, Sam Westin’s housemate, is way out of his depth in this story. He’s in charge of taking care of the gorillas while their owner is on vacation in Hawaii. Blake is a gay man who was betrayed by a lying lover. I’m not a gay man who has been betrayed by a lying lover.

My imagination is not getting very far with this. Why did I think I could do this?

Like many frustrated writers, at this point, I run away. I go for a walk. I vacuum the endless cat fur from my rug. I read several books. I re-caulk my bathroom. And then, after a couple of days of doing everything except writing, a revelation slaps into my brain: while Neema the gorilla is the character readers most often remember from that series, the stories are actually told from the point of view of Detective Matthew Finn.

Well, duh! Like I said, sometimes I feel like I’ve never written a book before, and it’s been quite a few years since I wrote my last Neema mystery, and my imagination has been on vacation for way too long.

I’ve done detective work. I was a private investigator for ten years. So, what is Detective Finn going to do when the case lands on his desk? Oh, yeah, I see it now. I see the path forward! Well, at least for several more chapters.

How will I blend these two stories? I have some thoughts, but none that are fully fleshed out right now. There is a common theme, trust me. There is a connection. I’ll get there.

But now I need to go for a walk. And vacuum up more cat hair.