Go Away, Mr. Co-Pilot. You are Sooo Annoying by Heather Haven

In the past, I have embraced AI, not as a lover but as a fellow worker. It did the grunt work I didn’t want to do or couldn’t do as well. For instance, after decades of trying to figure out the “i” before “e” except after “c” scenario I am still at a loss. This is because it isn’t an exact science, this spelling game, as in the word “science.” It’s all very weird. And I rarely spell that one right, either.

Nonetheless, I’m afraid I have to declare open war on AI throughout the land. Not as a servant which it should be, but as an equal which it shouldn’t. Let’s face it, the out-in-the-world AI has no soul, and we have to be very careful about enticing, soulless tools. These tools are going to be as honest as the person using them. And I have found there aren’t as many Honest Abes around as there used to be. But I wax poetic. Or tried to. Let’s see what AI does with that.

Lately I have been wondering why so many businesses are virtually cramming AI down our throats. Successful companies tend to have a projected plan for the future. What is the one with AI? Do they see us in ten years’ time with no longer any thoughts or will of our own? Do we just open our wallets and shell out for yet another AI product that does everything including wipe our noses? If so that means we might wind up no longer thinking human beings but drooling, babbling idiots.  As my mother said, “use it or lose it.” And I’m taking a stand that the mind is a part of this loss.

My new Windows 11 computer came with AI, a Mr. Co-Pilot. He’s everywhere. He does not sleep. He noses his way into any part of my life he can get into. I have been dealing with Siri on my phone for years. Yes, she can be intrusive, but I know how to put her in her place. All it takes is a strong “oh, yeah?” then turning off my phone. When I turn it back on, she’s gone. But this Mr. Co-Pilot, he’s a different breed. Literally. He’s always lurking around inside my computer, waiting to butt in.

I am most offended when he tries to rewrite my books as I am in the very process of writing them. After years of developing a voice, which every writer has to have, he keeps trying to take mine away. Of all the fat nerve. That’s messing with my bread and butter, mister. And he has absolutely no sense of humor. Not a drop. I can write the funniest sentence ever and all he does is try to rewrite it into something bland, bland, bland albeit grammatically correct. Turning the computer off and on again does nothing. He pops up time after time. Unlike Siri, he just can’t take a hint.

I may have been lured in with spellcheck all those years ago, but now I wonder if AI has graduated to something more sinister. Has Mr. Co-Pilot been programmed to rip off the best of my work and send it to somebody directly from my computer? “They” say no. but “they” say a lot of things. Plus, I don’t even know who “they” are. Just some unknown enticing soulless – whoops, I already said that. Sorry.

Whether or not I am being paranoid – pardon me while I take a Valium – I have good reason to think the above could happen. Seven of my novels have already been snitched off the internet and uploaded into a program that offers to write anything for a client from a eulogy to an after-dinner speech to a full-fledged novel. The middleman could have already been eliminated – the internet – and now AI could be going directly into my personal computer fattening up the databanks. I can see the ads: Yes! You, too, can be another Shakespeare. No talent, time, effort, or work required. Don’t dawdle. Send us your $$$ now!

Regarding my pirated novels, there is an ongoing class action suit involving thousands of writers and millions of dollars. Should I live long enough, I might just receive some sort of restitution from these AI pirates. Whatever the sum – it could be a dollar ninety-eight – I’ll take it. It truly is the principle of the thing.

But back to Mr. Co-Pilot, my unwanted partner in nearly everything I do on the computer. I understand it is possible to disable him. As the instructions are several pages long, I suspect it will take many hours to do so. Also, it isn’t clear exactly what else gets disabled, but there is a huge warning there can be consequences. Is that a ruse? Or will other features take a powder as well? Got me. So, I have asked my IT guy to come over and help me out. It will take some time, effort, and $$$. but it would be grand – no, a relief – to get back to writing my stories solo.