A few days ago, I took a tumble in the parking lot of the San Jose Kaiser Permanente. While I don’t advise it, if you have to take a fall, try to do it in the parking lot of a hospital. Within seconds about 12 doctors, nurses, and orderlies came running. They were all very concerned about me. I, on the other hand, sat there wondering how I was going to get up. Getting up from the ground at my age is not always the easiest thing to do and it certainly isn’t the most graceful. It may have taken four nurses and orderlies to do it, but they hauled me up and took me to ER where I was diagnosed with a broken wrist. Not only did I have a broken wrist, but it was my dominant wrist, which is the left. I’m left-handed. And a writer. Yikes!
This presented some problems, not the least of which was being in the middle of my latest WIP, Cleopatra slept here. Aside from the fact that I am completely dependent upon my husband to do nearly everything and will be for the next six weeks, what bothers me the most is I can’t type any of my work into the computer. What to do?
Big Decision born of necessity: go rogue and use the dictation program in Word for Windows. I gave it a whirl, but it didn’t work. Where was this stupid microphone? I spent the better part of two hours searching for it on my computer only to discover I didn’t have one. There’s always a glitch.
But undaunted, I bought a microphone from Amazon, a plug and play. A plug and play does all the necessary setup work such as drivers for your computer and was the way to go for this wounded-wing writer. I’m using Microsoft Word’s AI now to dictate this post.
Using the AI dictation program in Word is akin to having a really dumb secretary. Maybe I shouldn’t say dumb. Maybe unseasoned. And stubborn. Unlike human secretaries, this one doesn’t try to fit in with your work practices. When you tell this AI what not to do, it simply doesn’t listen and continues to make the same mistakes again and again. OK, I thought, the program is free and better than nothing. Why not try to deal with its idiosyncrasies? So, I am.
Remember the Three Stooges? I call the AI on my phone Moe. Moe knew early on I used the word ain’t every now and then. It no longer tells me it’s a misspelling or I should put in something else. Microsoft Word’s AI, who I call Curly, is not so smart. It will put a period or capitalize a word in the middle of a sentence for I know not why. Or add an extra space in between words. Really, Curly? Also, if I leave the microphone on and say nothing, it takes my breathing to be the words bye-bye. And if I clear my throat? It puts in the word Oh. With my allergies, I’m always clearing my throat. At the end of the day, I find a plethora of Ohs scattered around my manuscript. And do not talk to the mailman or a passing dog while it’s on. There’s no telling what it will write. Flergon deherden flup??
As I read this back, I must say I come off like an ungrateful cow. Moo. Maybe I’m being a little like Larry, the third member of the Three Stooges. Or maybe I’m just taking out my frustrations about my broken wrist on an inanimate object that acts a lot like a person, but isn’t. After all, these are very useful tools we have now. AI has really come up with some things that makes our lives better. Not perfect, but better. Nothing is perfect in this world. I remember once at about 23 years old, I thought I might be perfect. I was mistaken. Even my mother had a good laugh over that one.
So, until my wrist heals up, I will continue to use this free dictation program, glad I don’t have to type with my nose to get my work done. Or hire a real secretary. And if this secretary knows the eight parts of speech, it could be up to 40 bucks an hour. To recap, if the iPhone is Moe, and Microsoft Word is Curly, then I guess I’m Larry.
I can go there.
Ladies of Mystery 
Heather, you have my sympathies: I tried the dictation app too, with less than stellar success. I just wish it would quit being helpful, as it often tries to second guess what I’m going to say and will put that in instead of what I actually said! For a writer of Sci-Fi that is a pain in the rump, because after I dictate something,I need to go back and correct and take out all the stuff the dictation AI thought I should say, rather than what I didn’t. Gail Daley
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Gail, I know what you mean about AI rewriting stuff. Sometimes I want to go back and say, hey, listen kiddo, I’m the writer here. Not you.
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Get well soon!
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Thank you, Mollie.
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Sorry to hear about your wrist. It is amazing how we find ways to get our books written when we have mishaps. I haven’t used Microsoft AI but when I was doing a lot of driving and not able to sit at the computer and type, I learned to do dictation into a recorder that then put it into my computer with Dragon. I haven’t used it in a while, but there have been a couple of trips lately when I thought about pulling it out again. Fun post and good information about Microsoft AI
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Considering the program is free on Microsoft Word, it’s supposed to be pretty good. At least, that’s the reviews that I’ve read online. I decided not to use one of the programs you have to pay $600.00 to $800.00 for because this should be over in about a month. I’m counting on it.
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I should look into this Dragon, though. Thanks for the reminder.
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Oh no, Heather! I know the feeling because I fell at home and tore the nerves in my right arm…hand to elbow…it can’t be fixed! And I can barely type. That was almost 2 years ago. I hope you heal fast…can’t let your talent dry up. Seriously, I’ll be thinking about you.
Carole Price
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Oh, no, Carol!e How do you deal with it? Do you do a lot of dictating at home rather than typing on the keyboard? If so, what program do you use? Sorry to learn about your fall! I’m pretty lucky. They tell me that in about four more weeks and a little physical therapy, it should be back to normal. Here’s hoping.
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I’ve tried dictating, but it skipped a lot of my words. Done with it.
Considering my medical issue and my age (88), I will try to publish my book that I finished before my accident. Maybe one of my publishers will take pity on me and agree to a contract. 🙂 Wish me luck!
Carole Price
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Carole, your writing is ageless. You’re a very fine writer and it has nothing to do with how old you are. I love your stuff. No pity to be found for either of us anywhere. However, a little tea and sympathy is not out of line. Make mine Earl Grey.
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Dear Larry,
As always, thank you for the laughs but I think I’ll leave the voice biz to you. If you ever decide to do solo sand-up, let me know. I’ll be in the front row.
Your faithful fan,
Mrs. Old Lady with the Pearls
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Hi, Susan. Dictating as I go along. Well, if you’re the old lady with the pearls, you’re my kind of old lady, and I love pearls. Thank you for the the kudos. I did, in my checkered past, write comedy acts for performers in New York City as well as humorous ad copy. It was a lot of fun. I loved doing it and I even got paid!
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This gave me a few chuckles and I had my husband read it as The Three Stooges were fun for him as a child. Keep up your sense of humor as your wrist heals. Thanks for your blog. As you can see I
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Thank you, Cynthia. I love the way you dropped off the last of the sentence. Very funny. I think most men liked the Three Stooges as children. As a student of comedy, I think the Three Stooges are true slapstick humor, often liked by young boys. Most women prefer verbal humor. I’ve never met many women they appealed to no matter what their age. I could be wrong. But that’s my thought on it. Thanks for writing to me. Happy 4th. This was dictated, for the record.
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